


Life is stressful

by UselessSidecharacter



Category: Dimension 20
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Basically this whole fic is for me to write about characters dealing with panic etc, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kristen’s parents suck, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23109511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UselessSidecharacter/pseuds/UselessSidecharacter
Summary: The Bad Kids help each other through panic attacks.I can never get enough of people getting emotional support so here we are
Relationships: Adaine Abernant & Aelwen Abernant, Adaine Abernant & Figueroth Faeth & Kristen Applebees, Adaine Abernant & Gorgug Thistlespring, Adaine Abernant & Kristen Applebees
Comments: 20
Kudos: 110





	1. Adaine

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly very little plot here; just me writing about a character with anxiety because it helps with... life I guess.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adaine has a panic attack, Kristen and Fig help her through it.

_ Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, shit, God fucking damnit;  _ Adaine was sat on the floor of the bathroom, tears streaming down her face, struggling to breathe, taking ragged gasps of air as she dug her nails into her arm; she knew she shouldn't and also knew that she'd be pissed with herself later but she wasn't thinking straight.

_ Fuck, Fuck, Fuck  _ **_Calm Down_ ** Adaine forced the two words through her head, trying to control her mind.

**_Breathe_ ** _ No, fuck you, shut up! this is your fucking fault! How could you let this fucking happen? Everyone's going to hate you now and you brought it on yourself because you're so fucking pathetic. _

"No" Adaine moaned as she rocked herself slightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to!" She wasn't really sure what she was saying and not entirely sure she was speaking out loud, she felt a scream at the back of her throat and wanted to punch something, break something, pull out her hair or rip at her skin; she was completely overwhelmed.

“Adaine, you in here?” Adaine heard the words but they didn’t register with her as the whole swirling chaos of her mind engulfed her. The noise from both the person speaking and the corridor which was more audible due to the door being open was just another thing.  _ SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! _

When Fig and Kristen sat down beside her Adaine didn’t register it; they as well as the other Bad Kids had been standing in the corridor chatting before they saw Adaine walking rapidly, almost running, past them, shaking fairly violently. They’d looked at each other for a few seconds before following her; the others were stood outside.

Fig looked at Kristen with her eyes filled with concern and uncertainty as they sat on either side of their shaking friend who was curled into a ball, arms around her knees which were pulled into her chest. Kristen made a sort of half grimace, they’d seen Adaine having a panic attack before of course but neither had seen her this bad.

“Adaine?” Fig said in a calm voice.

Adaine made a kind of half shushing noise, half hiss and tensed up slightly. After a few moments Kristen very gently placed a hand on Adaine’s shoulder, when she didn’t object to the contact Fig followed suit and the three of them sat there for a while.

Throughout all of that Adaine’s head had felt like it was on fire; when she’d heard her name said it had grated painfully making her want to scream out but she resisted that urge and just tensed her body; when she felt first one hand then another placed on her shoulders she at first felt the urge to scream rising again but after a few seconds she calmed slightly; the contact felt reassuring and they helped her ground her mind slightly.

_ Fuck you, you failed, you messed up! You fuckin-  _ **_Stop, just… just stop Ok?._ **

Usually to get her mind back under control she had to forcefully project the words through her head but she just felt so exhausted all of a sudden and she just sort of dismissed the swirling thoughts that had plagued her; as she felt herself calm, and her body relax she felt her energy leave her; she was empty.

Adaine moved her legs out more, and took her hands from them. As she did this and they sensed her start to come down Fig and Kristen moved closer and as they did so Adaine slid down the wall to the right, her head landed on Kristen’s shoulder; she closed her eyes and just breathed deeply; she felt so tired, not sleepy; more like she had run a marathon and she was just completely out of everything. Kristen put her head on Adaine’s.

“Adaine?” Fig ventured after a while. In response Adaine shifted her head just enough to show she was listening.

“Are you… Ok now? Not like Ok Ok but… y’know?”

Adaine forced herself to answer verbally this time, trying for a yes but in her exhausted state she ended up with more like a “ye”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Adaine could feel Kristen’s voice vibrate through her head; she found it oddly comforting.

“It’s stupid.”

“Adaine, it’s not stupid Ok? It’s perfectly fine to get stressed about things; and I promise we’re not going to think it’s stupid” as she said this she took Adaine’s hand in hers.

Adaine sighed before answering “I got given a detention.” When she was met with silence she continued “I know it’s stupid and I should be able to deal with it but I’ve just been having a bad week and today… I just couldn’t deal.” She finished resignedly.

“Adaine, that’s not stupid.”

“Yeah, that sucks, I can see why you’re upset; who gave you detention? I’ll go beat ‘em up.”

Adaine shook her head tiredly “no, no it’s fine; honestly. I’ve just… I’ve just missed a couple of pieces of homework.” She took a deep sigh before continuing “I know that everyone expects me to be able to keep up with work because that’s my thing but I’m just… not doing great.”

“Adaine no one expects anything from you, I mean look at me; the only reason I’m not failing is Aguefort always has some fuckup he needs us to go sort out for 40% of our grade.”

“But that’s your thing” Adaine said with a sigh, “You have music and rebellion, Kristen you have philosophical crises, Gorgug has being really nice and also angry, Fabian has money and is a loveable jackass and Riz has being a detective and my thing is ...work… and I’m finding that difficult right now.”

“Adaine, that’s not fair-“ Kristen started before being cut off

“Yeah, Fabian: Loveable?” Fig scoffed mockingly which managed to get Adaine to smile slightly.

“I mean that you are more than just being clever; you’re the only sensible one apart from Gorgug; the rest of us would be a complete mess without you.”

“Also you can shoot lighting at things, that’s kinda useful.”

“Obviously we don’t want to just say that this isn’t a big deal because to you it clearly is but you shouldn’t worry about what people expect from you least of all us.”

“Thanks.”

“And if it helps we could all go get a detention right now, I’ll set fire to the gym or something.”

Adaine grinned at that. “I mean you could do something less destructive?”

“I mean we could.” Fig said, “but that’d be much less fun.”

Adaine still didn’t feel great but she felt much better with her friends on either side of her, she moved her head so it was more comfortably resting on Kristen’s shoulder.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed; please comment or give feedback.


	2. Kristen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kristen has a panic attack, Adaine helps her through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this supposed to have multiple chapters? No
> 
> Did I have other things I want to add to? Yes
> 
> Do I kind of hate myself for never being able to just leave something? Also yes.

_ Help, please someone fucking help. _

Kristen was really scared; she didn’t know what was happening; she couldn’t breathe, she wanted to scream and felt like her brain was being squeezed. 

She was in Jawbone’s apartment, sat in the corner of the room, trying to take deep breaths but only able to take short, gasping ones.

For some reason Kristen had visited home, she’d not been back since prom. That had been a big fucking mistake. The anger, the white hot swirling rage of that encounter had cooled to a simmering hatred then a feeling of deep emptiness as she’d walked back; when she had returned to the apartment a wave of… terror? Had hit her.

She wasn’t sure. She’d felt terror before and this felt different but it was the closest thing to how she felt; kind of like she was falling.

Kristen didn’t notice when she’d started crying, just realising that her face was completely drenched, she heard the sobs which racked her body as if they were coming from someone else.

_ This is fucking pathetic, they shouldn’t be able to get to you like this, you have to be strong; they’re in the wrong, you can’t get this worked up about people who are ok cutting you out of their life because you’re gay. _

Even though she logically knew she was completely in the right, Kristen couldn’t force herself to calm down; I suppose having your parents yell at you for “living in sin” can shake you a bit.

Kristen tried to think of happy things; her adventuring party, killing Kalvaxus, Tracker, but every time she did it was blotted out by the image of parents' disdainful, almost disgusted eyes.

She wished Tracker was here, but she was out and in her overwhelming panic Kristen couldn’t use her crystal so here she was, alone; and fucking terrified.

Losing sense of her surroundings Kristen didn’t notice the door open or see Adaine walk in, or hear her friend speaking; in fact she wasn’t aware there was someone else near her until she was being hugged.

At another time maybe Kristen would’ve freaked out about being hugged unexpectedly but right now she only had one thought in her head

_ I’m not alone, someone is here. _

As soon as Adaine wrapped her arms around Kristen she was hugged back as Kristen leaned into her friend and started sobbing even more than she had been, crying into her friend's shoulder, feeling her hand rub her back; she started being able to register what her friend was saying in a soothing voice.

“It’s Ok, it’s Ok; your safe”

_ I’m safe, I’m safe. _

“Just breathe, Ok?”

_ Just breathe _ .

Kristen tried taking a deep breath, it was difficult and ended up as more of a coughing gasp.

“Just breathe.”

Kristen tried again, this time more successful; dragging air into her lungs. It helped, a bit.

“It’s Ok, It’s Ok.”

Adaine continued speaking in a soothing tone until Kristen’s sobs subsided and she seemed calmer. Then Adaine untangled herself from her friend slightly.

“Do you want a glass of water?”

Kristen nodded thankfully, leaning back against the wall. 

Adaine stood and walked to the kitchen, as she was getting a glass of water she pulled out her crystal and texted Tracker who was out with Jawbone.

  
  


**_Just got back, Kristen was having a panic attack; don’t know_ **

**_What about._ **

**_She seems calmer now but if you could get back soonish_ **

**_I think that’d be helpful._ **

  
  


As she was making her way back over to Kristen she got a reply from Tracker.

  
  


**_Thanks, be back in 5_ **

  
  


Adaine put the glass down next to Kristen who had closed her eyes and looked completely drained; Adaine knew the feeling.

“Are you Ok?” Adaine asked as she sat beside her.

Kristen nodded tiredly, taking a drink of water before responding.

“Yes… thanks for… y’know.”

“No problem; do you… want to talk about it?”

“It was just my parents.” Kristen’s voice was small, quiet; at odds with her usual personality.

“What about them?”

_ Oh right _

“I went to see them today.” Adaine was silent for a few seconds and Kristen answered her unasked question.

“I don’t know why; I just did… it didn’t go great.” Adaine didn’t answer again but could tell Kristen had more that she wanted to say so prompted her slightly.

“No?”

“No.” Kristen took a second to have another drink of water before continuing. “Started out a little tense but I thought we might get somewhere, but I guess homophobes and lesbians don’t really get along do they?” Kristen gave a hollow laugh.

“I just thought; it’s been so long? And I’m their  _ daughter? _ Surely they can’t still be assholes? Surely they can’t… hate me still?” She sounded very close to tears, her voice cracking slightly, Adaine put her arm around her again and Kristen leant into her.

“In my experience assholes don’t stop being assholes in a hurry.” Kristen let out a sad smile then raised her glass.

“Shitty parents club?” Adaine smiled slightly then pulled a glass out of her pocket and clinked it against Kristen’s.

“Shitty parents club.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed; please leave any comments or feedback; I cannot express how much they mean to me


	3. Adaine 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adaine isn’t doin to well after being kidnapped and imprisoned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this was only going to be one chapter, so I didn’t really have a plan for this one, so I’m not sure how it’ll turn out.

Adaine didn’t drink, never had, never even felt tempted to; it was one of the few expectations of her parents she hadn’t broken.

She wasn’t sure why she never wanted to try alcohol; perhaps because, for the longest of times, her mind had been her one unassailable place, the place she could and would retreat to whenever her parents or Aelwyn, or just life would get to her more than normal and it felt almost like destroying a room to get drunk and have her head messed up.

Although perhaps she had had enough experience in not being in control of her mind; when her thoughts would swirl out of control and the ever present panic would rear itself up and try to consume her, and wasn’t fond of the idea of not being 100% in control.

Maybe it was a bit of both. But whatever it was Adaine didn’t drink.

She was drinking now but she’d had a very traumatic couple of days. If you can’t have a few sips of beer after being kidnapped by your asshole of a father and his evil colleagues, then being imprisoned in an orb where you can’t trance then reconciling with your sister, busting out of prison and rescuing said sister only to have her steal your friends dad and leave to go end the world then when the hell can you?

Adaine was sat in a corner of Fig’s friend’s house, on the upstairs landing; listening to her friend’s voices carry up from downstairs; they were drunk and they were having a great time, Adaine eyed her can suspiciously, it seemed to be defective.

Instead of having fewer inhibitions she still felt empty; her underlying panic was building in the same way which she knew from experience preceded panic attacks but unlike her panic attacks her head wasn’t being filled with swirling emotions and uncontrollable thoughts, it was just empty. She took another sip of her drink.

She thought about trying to go downstairs or moving into a bedroom or something but couldn’t find the energy to move right now.

She knew she should’ve talked to someone about this but her normal go to was Jawbone and it was difficult to reach him, and even if she could she preferred to be face to face with someone when talking about how she felt. Fig was her other go to, but she was nowhere to be found, maybe Ayda? But as much as she liked Ayda, Adaine had only known her a few days and wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk to her about emotions.

So that left her with a bunch of drunk people, not great options to be honest.

Adaine lent her head against the wall and closed her eyes only to snap them open again when her vision was filled with the sight of her Father’s disapproving glare through the glass of the orb, and she felt panic build; but in a quiet way.

“Hey Adaine!” Gorgug said in a slightly slurred voice causing Adaine to break from her panic induced reverie and jump slightly but apart from that she didn’t react.

“Are you… ok?” He ventured, Adaine shrugged; somewhere in the part of her mind not being controlled by empty terror she wondered why she had such a hard time admitting she wasn’t ok, even though she knew it was ok to not be ok she still found it difficult to actively say she wasn’t doing well.

“Are you having a panic attack?” Adaine thought for a second; kind of? No, right: she’d had quite a few panic attacks before and while this was similar it felt different, less of losing control and more of just being overwhelmed and not having enough energy to deal right now, but then Jawbone always said panic attacks could be very different. She probably shouldn’t be overthinking this. 

“I’m just scared?” Adaine half whispered.

“That makes sense, I’d be scared if I’d been stuck in an orb for days.” 

“I just need to trance but everything’s… a bit much.”

“Well… when everything’s a bit much for me, I like to listen to music, then I turn it up very loud so it drowns everything out.”

“There’s not anything to drown out really, I just feel kind of… empty.”

“Well… then you have to turn it up really loud… cause then you’ve got to have it so loud, that you can’t hear the silence which you’re trying to drown out.” Gorgug’s already fairly convoluted way of speaking was convoluted even more by the alcohol. but it made Adaine smile slightly.

“You want to try?” Gorgug said proffering his headphones. Adaine shrugged and took them, putting them over her ears, then Gorgug tapped his crystal and some type of metal started blaring through the ear pieces.

It wasn’t really the kind of music Adaine liked but the volume was oddly comforting; like it was so loud she couldn’t focus on the emptiness in her mind. She kind of lost track of how long she sat there, after a while Gorgug went back downstairs to the party.

Adaine eventually took off the headphones and sat in silence, but a more peaceful silence than before, sipping her beer as she did.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, please leave any comments or feedback.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not entirely sure I’m happy with this chapter but I wanted to write something so I might as well post it.

_ No, no , no; please, not again.  _ Aelwyn was in her room in the old Abernant house, she could hear her parents yelling at Adaine.

**_You’re a monster!_ ** _ I’m sorry! Please! _

**_You let your sister be hurt again, and again because you’re pathetic!_ **

_ Fuck, no, fuck fuck.  _ Aelwyn heard tears and angry footsteps run up the stairs, and along the corridor, slowing almost to a stop by her door before continuing.

**_Because you’re a coward!_ **

_ Help me please, help me! _

**_You won’t stand up to them, no matter what they do because as long as it doesn’t affect you then it’s fine, no matter how much they hurt Adaine, you won’t do anything to help her!_ **

_ No! _ A door slammed shut at the end of the hall.

**_Yes! You know it’s true, you know that you’re grateful that they hate Adaine and they put you on a pedestal and you don’t care what that does to her!_ **

_ I do!  _ The crying was muffled but louder, like someone was almost tearing their throat with violent sobs

**_Really!? Then when will you stand up to them Aelwyn? When they kick Adaine out on the street? When they hurt her physically as well as emotionally? Will you even say anything? Or will you just watch and think thank goodness it’s not me?_ **

_ No! _

**_Like you do every. Single. Time._ **

_ I’m sorry!  _ Aelwyn felt tears uncontrollably run down her face.

**_Apologise to your sister! She’s the one who has a reason to cry! You’re just being pathetic! She needs your help and you’re sitting on the ground crying and feeling sorry for yourself!?_ **

_ I can’t… _

**_You can’t what? Stand up for her? Go see if she’s ok? Not be a bitch to her? What can’t you do?_ **

_ I can’t help her. _

**_Why? Because you’re scared that no one will help you when you need it and so she shouldn’t get help either!? Because you’re scared if the positions were reversed she wouldn’t help you?_ **

_ No… no, I just, I can’t… I’m scared! _

**_You’re scared!? Think about her! You’re scared she wouldn’t help you and you're right, why would she help you if you needed it, or even want to talk to you after everything you let your parents do to her? She wouldn’t would she?_ **

_...No. _

**_No. Because you didn’t help her when she needed it most. She’ll get out of this family and never cares if she doesn’t see you again, she hates you and will always hate you and she’s right to hate you._ **

_ I know. _

**_You know how much this is going to hurt her, you not helping her and you still do nothing, because you’re pathetic-_ **

“Aelwyn!?” The sound was distant, like someone was speaking to her while she was under water but it cut through the thoughts in her head, and suddenly Aelwyn could feel arms snaked around her body, holding her.

**_She will always hate you._ **

“Aelwyn, it’s OK; I’ve got you, you’re safe, please you have to breathe.” Her sister's voice grew in clarity as she spoke.

**_You don’t deserve her, not after everything you’ve done._ **

“Aelwyn, I’ve got you, it’s safe; I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” 

Aelwyn forced her body to respond to her, it felt like she was lifting lead just to move her arms to return Adaine’s embrace, slowly the world came back into focus; she was in their room in Mordred Manor; she was crouched in a ball against the wall, she could see her sister in front of her and could see tears in her eyes, she leans forward slightly and buried her face in her sister’s shoulder.

“Adaine, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have let them, I should’ve helped you-“

“It’s fine, we’re fine Aelwyn, Just breathe.” Adaine cut off her jabbering, stroking her back with one hand, the other on the back of her head.

“Why don’t you hate me Adaine?” Aelwyn asked, in a small voice after a long period of silence in which she managed to calm her ragged breath.

“I’ve done so much to hurt you, and I let our parents hurt you. You shouldn’t be helping me.”

“If I had passed the entrance exam to Hudol, if I’d never met my friends and Jawbone I don’t know what I would’ve done to get mother and father to love me, I could’ve so easily been there with you trying to summon the nightmare king, I can’t hate you for not having the same opportunity to get out as I did, and I can’t hate you for being too scared to help me. I always wanted you to be some hero who would protect me from them but you were just another kid they were hurting.”

They fell back into silence for a while before Aelwyn spoke again.

“I’m sorry I scared you just then.”

Adaine gave a small laugh.

“Don’t be silly; I love you and it’s ok to be scared for the people you love.”

“I love you too Adaine.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you liked; comments are really appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course the first thing I write for this fandom in ages is me projecting my stress heavily onto a character.

_ Ok, ok, ok this is fine. I’m fine. _

Adaine is not Ok. She was pacing around her tower room, moonlight streaming in from the skylight as she searched the same places she’d searched a dozen times, all through her desk, in the books she’d been using, by her bed, every pocket she had but still she couldn’t find it.

_ It’s just a pen. It’s just a pen. _

It was a particularly nice pen, a cartridge one with a comfortable grip and nice nib which very rarely scraped and always had a perfect flow of ink.

_ I don’t even need my pen right now, and even if I did I have dozens of other ones. _

She’d been in bed when a thought about a new spell struck her and she’d immediately wanted to write it down only to be met with the frustrating lack of pen.

She finally managed to convince herself to stop pacing and clamber back into bed but she was sweating madly, and she could feel a tightness in her chest; a feeling of restlessness overcoming her.

With a grunt of annoyance she swung her legs back over the side of her bed and sat up, looking around her room with frustration.

_ This never would’ve happened if I could keep this damn room tidy. _

If someone met Adaine they’d probably assume she would be a real neat freak and when sharing a space with others they’d be right, she was always scared of causing someone else an inconvenience, but in her own room mess piled up quickly, it wasn’t that she was messy it was just that she’d put something down, fully intending to pick it up or move it a second later but then almost immediately forgetting about it and leaving it there, which resulted in the current state of strewn books, crumpled up paper, broken pencils, empty pens and clothes everywhere.

Adaine stood up and began picking books up, placing them at any order on one of her many shelves, before summoning a bin bag and filling it and then another with assorted junk. She must’ve been at this for a half hour or so, becoming more and more aggrieved by the lack of pen under books or shirts before she finally sat down on the edge of her bed and forced herself through some breathing exercises.

After a while she felt the frustration and restlessness receding, she took a drink of water and sighed heavily. She wished that a missing pen could just be a missing pen but even now the worry still lingered in the back of her head.

_ I’ll find it tomorrow, it could be downstairs or staring me right in the face, no use looking for it now. _

Adaine then grabbed a pencil and scrawled down the idea for the spell in a notebook, as soon as she finished writing she felt a bit better. She turned her light off and laid back down feeling empty.

She was always annoyed at herself after getting stressed by something like this, and more annoyed when she kept herself up late with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I wrote this after I needed to write something down and couldn’t find my pen and spent ages tidying my room trying to find it, so of course I made that into a fic because why not?
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Comments are always appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok ,so writing this fic honestly really helps me deal with having anxiety attacks but because it’s very different from what I usually write it’s very odd to write so I’ve spent more than a week working in this chapter then just wrote over a thousand words in an hour.
> 
> Just be aware that it might feel a bit off cause of that.

“Aaaiirrrrgggghhhhhhrrr” Fig hadn’t intended to let out that sound which started as a scream and ended in a growl; she hadn’t even realised she had for a few moments until she heard it and felt her throat ache slightly with the sudden exclamation. At the same time as the involuntary sound Fig’s arms had jerked violently and they were painfully tense but she couldn’t relax them.

Trying to breathe didn’t help, it was like there was a lump in her throat which prevented everything but the most shallow of breaths from being drawn into her lungs.

Fig couldn’t stop pacing. She just kept striding around the room which she had moved from the bubble under the piano, her hands twitching and skin crawling; she felt like she was bursting with energy and was barely resisting the urge to punch the walls, instead digging her nails into her palms; the pain numbed by her panicked mind.

She was so scared. Fig had no clue what was happening, she was just scared; the terror growing as she fought the scream which seemed to be trying to force its way out of her throat; she felt like she wanted to rip the skin off her face, to gauge out her own eyes, to pull her hair, to cry and laugh and scream at the same time, she wanted to punch, tear, bite, kick and just hurt someone but she also needed to be held by someone, she needed someone to help her, she was so scared.

She wasn’t sure what pushed her over the edge but the next instant she was on the ground, digging her nails painfully into her forearms and hearing screams she didn’t realise were her own as her body was racked by violent sobs.

“I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it.” The mantra which had started in her head was verbalised in ever increasing cacophony until, at its crescendo, she screamed the words out from the corner of the room in which she’d collapsed.

Before she realised what she was doing Fig slammed her fist into the wall, the pain barely breaking through the dense fog of all consuming terror and panic.

The next thing she was aware of were hands encasing her own and Fig didn’t even think before she practically fell into whoever was there, feeling one arm wrap around her quivering shoulders, the other letting her dig her fingers into it.

“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t” Fig wasn’t sure if the words were mumbled or screamed.

It was a while before Fig was even able to be aware of the words which were being spoken to her in return to her jabberings.

“Fig, I need you to breathe, can you do that? Take a deep breath.”

Fig tried to oblige, sucking in a rough mouthful of cold air.

“Well done, can you try again for me?” The soothing voice cut through her panic more this time and Fig could just about register a hand stroking her back as she shakingly drew in another breath, deeper this time.

“That’s good, now breathe out.” As Fig did as she was told, letting out a long breath of air, she felt the fog of her mind clear slightly and she quickly relaxed her grip on her friend’s hand.

After a good few minutes of Fig following the commands to breathe she found herself starting to calm, not to the point of being ok but now able to recognise the person embracing her as Adaine as well as being aware of a stinging pain in her knuckles and a deep exhaustion building at the edges of her mind.

“Fig?” Fig nodded.

“Can you talk?”

“Ye.” Fig said in a very small voice.

“Can you try saying the alphabet backwards?”

“Z, y, x, w… v, u, t,... s, q, r, no, r, q, p, o, n, m, l... k, j, i, h, f… g, f, e, d, c,b,a.”

“Good, how are you feeling?”

“Like shit? A bit better.” Fig responded; working through the alphabet had seemed to make her mind less panicked and her voice was a bit stronger.

“Yeah, after something like that you’re going to be exhausted, c’mon; get in your pyjamas and get into bed then I’ll get you a cup of tea and something to eat. It was still early but Fig felt like she could go to sleep immediately.

“No…” Fig shook her head, uncertainly staggering to her feet.

“No, I’ve still got to pack.” Looking around her room Fig was reminded about why she was so stressed; packing to go on tour with Fig and Sig Fig, she wasn’t sure why she’d suddenly been hit by so much overwhelming panic but she needed to pack so that didn’t matter.

“No, no, no.” Adaine quickly rose to her feet, half guiding, half shoving Fig to her bed.

“You need to sleep.”

“No, it’s nothing it was stupid.”

“Figueroth Faeth.” Adaine said firmly.

“You wouldn’t keep running on a sprained ankle would you? So you don’t keep pushing after an attack like that. I promise we’ll deal with packing later, now get your pyjamas on and go to bed.”

Fig, taken slightly off-guard by Adaine’s commanding tone obeyed, pulling on her sleep clothes and sliding under the covers of her bed as Adaine stepped out of the room, returning a bit later with a cup of tea and some toast which Fig wolfed down ravenously, not realising how hungry she was.

As Adaine made to leave Fig noticed red marks on her hand and realised where they were from.

“Adaine, I-“ She started, sitting up in her bed quickly, only to be stopped by Adaine’s hand, stopping her springing out of bed.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I didn’t know what I was doing, I’m so sorry and-“

“Fig, Fig!” Adaine cut into her friend's spiralling ramble.

“It’s Ok, I’m fine; I’ve done worse to myself sometimes and I’m just glad you didn’t do it to yourself, I promise it’s fine.”

Fig nodded and sank back into her bed, feeling her eyes drift close.

“Adaine?” She called out, half asleep.

“Yep?”

“Can… Can you stay? I’m… scared.” Fig admitted the last word sheepishly.

“Of course.” Adaine responded warmly and Fig felt herself calm slightly as her bed sank as Adaine sat down near her feet.

  
  
  


—————————-

  
  
  


When Fig woke up it was in complete darkness, reaching out she turned on her crystal and blinked against the hard light.

One in the morning.

She’d slept for eight hour, shit. Panic threatened to overwhelm her again as she straightened up, flicking her lamp on; she had to pack.

She should’ve packed ages ago but had kept putting it off so much so that she’d left it to the night before she left.

It wasn’t out of laziness or lack of organisation, she’d tried many times but found when she was actually confronted with an activity related to leaving she started stressing.

When she was met with a much tidier room, with seemingly packed bags stacked next to the door Fig froze in shock, before having her attention drawn back to her bed where Adaine was sleeping, or trancing rather.

“Adaine?”

“Huh?” The elf answered, being startled awake.

“You packed for me?”

“Yeah, I mean I hope that was ok, you just seemed really stressed about it and I thought-“ Adaine was cut short when Fig enveloped her in a hug.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

After a few seconds Fig pulled away.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Adaine asked.

Fig sighed.

“I’m really scared, what happens if I go out there and find out I’m going to fail?”

“Well what would failing mean?”

“I don’t get my dream of being a rockstar?”

“And what would happen if you didn’t go?”

“I wouldn’t become a rockstar.”

“So even if you do fail you won’t be any worse off than if you don’t go.”

“That… makes sense.”

“Yep. Also you’re not going to fail.”

“How could you possibly know?”

“It’s literally my job to know the future… but this time it’s just something I know; you guys are really awesome and I know you’re gonna be great.”

Fig was silent for a few moments, thinking.

“I’ve never been away from home, and my mom for this long; I don’t know if I can do it.”

“It is difficult. I know my parents were terrible but it was still hard, but you guys got me through it, and we’re gonna get you through it, if we can kill a dragon then I think we can handle a few months of long distance, even if it will suck not seeing you as much.”

Fig smiled, her chest was slightly more relaxed. 

“Thanks Adaine.” She said, hugging the elf again.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed; comments are really appreciated, any feedback makes my day.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I’ve written more today than I have in, like, two weeks and obviously I decided to write another chapter of this work instead of the many other things I’ve been trying to work on but whatever.
> 
> This chapter is quite different and I’m honestly not sure how I feel about it so any feedback would be really helpful

“Fig,” Kristen started in a soothing voice as she watched her Fig begin to spiral.

“No.” Fig uttered the single syllable in an angry growled shout, drawing in a ragged lungful of air after, trying to appear calm, the fact that she was digging her nails into her arms slightly undermined this attempt.

“Listen,” She said, her voice low, she was clearly forcing it to remain controlled as it shook slightly, “I’m fine, I just kind of want to be by myself for a while.”

“I’m really not sure that that’s a good idea Fig.” Kristen stepped slightly further into the room, stopping when it’s other occupant glared at her icily, she waited; half expecting Fig to say or even shout something, when she didn’t Kristen continued.

“I feel like you’re blaming yourself for what happened today; and that’s not fair-“

“But it’s true,” Fig cut in bitterly, “I fucked up, if I had done more, then we could have stopped them taking Adaine, but I didn’t, I couldn’t save her. I… I failed.” The Tiefling’s voice cracked on the last word, her face momentarily melting into an expression of defeat before it was again schooled into an angry mask.

“You didn’t fail.” Kristen insisted firmly, stepping slightly closer to her friend.

“Yes, I did!” Fig let out in a wavering scream.

“Adaine isn’t here, because  _ I  _ failed, because I wasn’t good enough.”

“None of us were, did I fail?”

“No.”

“Did Gorgug fail?”

“No!”

“Did Cath-“

“Stop it!”

“Ok, ok.” Kristen said softly and held up her hands.

“Look Fig, Adaine is gone, and that sucks, it sucks so much and we’re going to get her back, but you can’t blame yourself alright? Even if you or I or anyone had stopped them teleporting away then those elves would have just attacked us, and we barely survived that fight anyway.” As Kristen had spoken in a soothing tone she had moved closer to Fig until she had slowly sat down at the other end of the bed which the bard was sat on before she had seen her friend tense up again and stopped moving closer.

“Beating yourself up about us not saving Adaine won’t help her, we will get her back; you have to focus on that ok?”

“I know, but.” Fig let out an annoyed sigh and looked around the room trying to verbalise her thoughts.

“I just keep failing ok?”

“What do you mean?”

“The Nightmare King got in my head, I put my Dad in a crystal which we can’t get him out of, I nearly stabbed Riz, I flirted with another old man while disguised as someone else, and now I’ve lost Adaine, and I feel like I’m just… useless… whatever I do I fuck up, and I’m scared that I’m going to fuck up whatever we end up doing in Fallinel.”

“Fig, the Nightmare King thing could’ve happened to any of us.”

“But it didn’t, ok!? It only happened to me, because I’m the fuck-up, I’m the weak one.”

“Fig, you are one of the strongest people I know, you are not weak; and you are definitely not a fuck-up, you are literally a famous rockstar and you’re still in high school.”

“Yeah so when I get up on stage and pretend to be someone I’m not then I’m successful but when I’m just me I screw everything up.” Fig replied bitterly.

Kristen had been able to slide up the bed by now and had placed an arm around her friend’s shoulders.

“I’m, really sorry you feel like that Fig, I… I’m really not sure what to say, just that I love you and I  _ know _ , I know for an absolute fact that you are not a screw up, and that goes for everyone else as well.”

“Everyone else?” Fig”s voice was a lot less bitter and angry, sounding a lot more vulnerable, “Like my parents whose marriage I fucked up? Like my Dad who I trapped in a crystal? Like Riz who I almost stabbed? Like Adaine who I let get captured?”

“ _ Everyone _ .” Kristen stated firmly. “And you didn’t fuck up Gilear‘s and Sandra-Lynn’s marriage, and you didn’t let Adaine get captured: she chose to go with them to save us, and it was the Nightmare King who did the other two things, it’s not weakness to lose to a god-like being.”

“Still…”

“And we are going to get Adaine back, we  _ are _ .”

“I know, then we’re gonna kill her dad.”

“That’s the spirit!” Kristen said with a grin, making Fig snort slightly.

“Fig, listen,” Kristen spoke after a few moments of silence, “I spent the vast majority of that fight on my back trying to eat an ice cream sandwich, I did virtually nothing; you did so much and it’s not fair for you to take full responsibility for Adaine getting kidnapped, she chose to go and if she was here she wouldn’t let you beat yourself up about it ok?”

“Yeah.” Fig said, still dejectedly but she seemed to have calmed down slightly.

“Ok, you should probably get some sleep; we’re leaving as soon as possible tomorrow and you’re gonna need your strength to bash in some snooty high elf heads.”

Fig smiled slightly at that, “Your right, thanks for talking to me… and I love you too.”

“No problem.” Kristen replied with a smile.

“Are you ok by yourself?”

“Yeah.” Fig nodded quietly, and after a final squeeze Kristen release her friend and moved to the door.

“Night.”

“G’night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed. I think this might be the last chapter of this work, at least for a while but then again it was only going to be one chapter so we’ll see what happens.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated, comments always make my day.


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